I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
