She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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