Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
