Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
