I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
