While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
