He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
