Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
