tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
