I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
