you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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