I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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