Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't put those talents on a resume
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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