wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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