'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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