so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
