i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
