Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
