Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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