your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
