You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
