i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
