Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
