Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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