Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
