My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
