Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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