we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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