Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
