Edward fifth and chaser hands
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
