You're completely useless in the revolution.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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