And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
