He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
