i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
