Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
