i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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