just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
