turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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