So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
