in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
