apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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