you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we're so committed to being not committed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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