This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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