Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
