I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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