I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
