New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
