In the future we'll all be gay
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
