when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
