seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
