if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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