Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
