Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
